Mind you, the Labour Party's in such disarray I don't think the opposition offers much of an alternative or consolation, does it? Oz: Naw, I was just saying the same(!) Dennis: Where's the agent, Barry? Barry: Oh, there's a bloke called Pfister over there, looks a bit like David Kossoff with the bifocals. Yeah, it's a misguided policy, you know, it's totally misguided and misconstrued. Barry: Nor any place, is there? I blame Thatcherism, you know. Alreet? Barry: Ah, another Geordie, right? Oz: Aye, well there's nar graft up wor way. Oz: Alreet, pal? Barry: Hello! Dennis: We worked together once, yer kna. Barry: This your mate, is it? Dennis: Er, that's Oz. Got to anyway, no choice is there? Dennis: No, there's not. Dennis: Did he? Barry: So I came back here for the craic, like. housing estate just outside Stafford, yeah. Dennis: Oh! Well, aye! How's things, then? Barry: Oh, alright, you know. Oz: Bloody hell, where's this lot from? Must have laid McAlpine's off! Barry: Hey, Dennis, innit? Dennis: Oh. Cream of the British workforce, eh? Gan get three beers. Oz: Whereaboots is it, Minorca? Neville: Um. Neville: Three months?! What'd she say when you got back? Oz: "What won the 4.30?" Neville: I've never worked abroad before. Just said, er, "I'm goin' down to the newsagents, pet, gettin' the Sporting Chronicle". I've seen her breakin' balls of innocent bystanders! Oz: Last time I came out I didn't bother tellin' her I was comin'. Neville: You did a runner on yer wife? Dennis: Ah, you don't know his Marjorie. Pushed the car down the hill so it didn't make a noise. sneaked out the back door and made a dawn departure, like. Oz: Nah, well I must admit I never gave her a chance, like, y'know, I. She said she'd accepted it "Whatever's best for us", she said. Oz: "Keep in touch"?! He wrote the first one at Darlington, man! Yer gonna blow all yer money on postage, lad. Another postcard, is it, Neville(?) Dennis: He promised Brenda he'd keep in touch. Customs Officer: What does it mean? Dennis: The wall's not plumb! Female Officer: What's a spirit level? Dennis: Well, I'll show you. Female Officer: What is this? Dennis: It's a spirit level. Customs Officer: Can you open the back, please? Dennis: Yeah, erm, can you give us the keys, Oz? Oz: It doesn't lock. Do you have anything to declare? Dennis: Er, no. We'll all stick to the same story, right? We're off to catch butterflies in Bavaria! I was gonna try an' scrape it but I thought I might lose the bumper. Oz: No, no, I don't, I don't, but the bloke I bought it off did, yer know. Dennis: What have yer got a Sunderland sticker on the back for? Didn't kna you supported them.
Dennis: Never knew we had it in this wreck. Oz: Right lads, I'm afraid we're losing Radio 1. Dennis: What's that? Oz: They can all shove their bills up their arse! Pelicans, penguins and the Inland Revenue have all got one thing in common. Dennis: Oh, I said to him a week ago man, so I says to him, I said, "Listen", I said, "If you want that posh house on that new estate, it's the only way yer ganna get it, without lining the tax man's pockets for once", yer kna! Oz: Well yer kna what they say. Oz: Oh aye? Right, cheers, Den! He could be having second thoughts, yer know aboot the. Dennis: Oi, Nev! D'yer not want a drink? Or d'ya want some crisps? We got Scotch eggs! Oz: I don't think he's found his sea legs yet, Dennis, eh? Dennis: Yeh, well, he's missing their Brenda, yer kna, they do at that age. Well, there's no more room for anything else, except to say I love you and miss you Your Neville." Who knows what lies ahead? A better future for us, that is my fervent hope. I stood on deck and watched the coast of England disappear into the distant mist. Neville: "Dearest Brenda, we are now at sea.